What Up Doe!

                                          IN LOVING MEMORY OF OUR SISTER MILDRED!

My beloved husband Charles often spoke of his younger sister Mildred and how he was her protective big brother.  The stories Charles shared about the adventures of him and Mildred ranged from heartwarming to hilarious.  From the telling of Charles’ stories, I thought he was quite a bit older than Mildred, so imagine my surprise when I finally met her and realized they were only two years apart.  However, one thing was true and apparent Mildred loved her big brother Charles and Charles loved his little sister Mildred.

Mildred was a little woman standing 4’11 and 100 pounds wet, but she had a huge presence.  Mildred was firm on what she liked and disliked with a routine that was not easily altered.  Every time we visited Detroit, stopping by Mildred’s to share a meal was always included.  Now you must understand Mildred wasn’t going out, that was not an option.  So, we would pick up the meal of Mildred’s choice on the way.  Around Mildred’s dining room table is where we ate, talked, and laughed ourselves to tears.  Did I mention Mildred was seriously funny?  I mean that literally, with a deadpan face Mildred would say the most outlandish things then look puzzled as to why we were laughing.  But trust me Mildred knew what she was doing based on the sly grin on her face.

 “What Up Doe” is how we greeted Mildred whenever we went to visit her or called her on the phone.  Mildred would always chuckle and respond “What Up Doe” or “You Got It” 

What Up Doe is a greeting used by Detroiters and has multiple meanings for instance; “hello or goodbye’, “what you doing” or “what do you want to do” Usually written in three words followed by an explanation point however it can be written as one word.  The proper response to “What Up Doe!” is “What Up Doe!”

The phrase symbolizes HOME much like Aloha is used in Hawaii. As Charles and I travel around the globe whenever we come across a fellow Detroiter, we always greet each other with a big smile and “What Up Do!”

One day we got a call from Mildred’s son JoJoe informing us that Mildred was not doing well.  He went on to say Mildred was in the hospital in Ohio close to his home and the prognosis was not good, hospice had been assigned to Mildred’s case.  As we braced ourselves for Mildred’s transition, she kept on living feisty as ever.

From the first time we walked into that rehab hospital and saw Mildred in the community dining area with the other patients, we greeted Mildred “What Up Doe!”  as if a light bulb had been turned on Mildred beamed looking in our direction with recognition and said, “What Up Doe!”  Followed by “Where y’all been?” 

Our first visit was tough because Mildred who was already a lightweight was even smaller and her memory was in and out.  However, her humor was still present, Mildred would quickly tell you “I have all my faculties about me, Thank you very much.”  It was so hard not to laugh hearing her say that after she had just forgotten the last few minutes of conversation and asked us no less than ten times during the visit, “where y’all been?”

Despite the many many challenges that Mildred encountered during her nearly two years in that rehab facility, she kept going.  Towards the end her pace was slower, her pain was increased, yet her mind was forgetful but sharp in the fleeting memories that remained.

Our last visit with Mildred was a mixture of emotions and feelings, as we spoke up in advocacy and surrendered in peace knowing that she was near the end. Beyond the realm of verbal expression, we knew that this would be our last visit; yet even still we hoped that it would not be the case. Our last visit was for three consecutive days.  Day one we found Mildred in her room lying in bed watching television.  As we walked in the room, Charles and I said in unison “What Up Doe!”  Mildred’s head popped up from the pillow and with the biggest grin she bellowed back “What Up Doe!” followed by the first of many, “Where y’all been?”

We had so many fun conversations during that last visit with Mildred.  I had strong urge to take Mildred outside and roll her around the parking lot.  Although she was resistant at first, Mildred quickly became excited to get some fresh air.  As we rolled past the community room Mildred had a look of satisfaction on her face as to say I’m out of here.  She even waved and spoke to a few of the ladies sitting around the tables. 

Once we were off the locked “memory unit” and heading to the main lobby Mildred began to smile and become really animated like a kid in a candy store.  I teased Mildred that we were going to do doughnuts and wheelies in the parking lot with her wheelchair; “oh no you’re not!” was Mildred’s response in the most sophisticated tone that made us all laugh.

As we departed Mildred’s room for what would be our last time, she screamed out to us “Hey, when y’all coming back?”  We turn and in unison said, “We’ll be back soon.”  Mildred replied “Okay, don’t forget about me!”  Again, in unison, Charles and I said “Never!” We slowly walked out of Mildred’s room into the corridor and began to walk away, Mildred screamed “Don’t forget about me!” On cue Charles and I turned, went back to Mildred’s room, peered into the doorway and said, “What Up Doe!” Without missing a beat Mildred said, “You got it!”  We all laughed, and Charles and I briskly walked down the hall leaving our dear sister Mildred with a smile on her face.

Mother’s Day 2024, we received a call from Cassie, JoJoe’s wife and Mildred’s daughter in law.  Cassie was very determined for us to see Mildred via video call and despite the technical difficulties we were finally able to connect via video.  Mildred was sitting up eating lunch which in itself was a sight for sore eyes.  Sort of oblivious to what was going on with the call, Mildred was focused on her food initially.

In unison Charles and I shouted out “What Up Doe! Sis” Mildred lit up started grinning from ear to ear and replied, “You got it!”  We went on and talked for another few minutes and after wishing Mildred a Happy Mother’s Day, ended the call. 

I cannot overstate the magnitude of gratitude we have for Cassie’s insistence to connect the call via video.  Little did we know that would be the last time we would see or talk to our dear sister Mildred.  That would be the last time Charles and I would speak our signature greeting to Mildred, “WHAT UP DOE!”